Ep 46: Turning Setbacks into Comebacks - Navigating Rejection & Disappointment [Courage Series Pt 2]

EPISODE 46

 
 
 

Ever felt crushed by rejection or struggled to move on from disappointment? Join us as we unpack the differences between rejection and disappointment in part two of our Courage series. Learn how to shift your thinking from the heavy burden of rejection to the lighter, more self-accepting experience of disappointment, and discover how to use it as a powerful tool to pivot and move forward in life.

But what if there was a way to make the journey to success just as enjoyable as the destination itself? Say goodbye to overwhelm and self-doubt as we share insights on taking control of the process and reaching your goals with ease. We'll teach you how to talk to yourself with kindness during moments of disappointment and rejection, and share our secrets for making your journey as fulfilling as the end goal. Don't miss out on this insightful episode packed with valuable lessons and practical advice for turning those setbacks into comebacks!

“Allowing for the disappointment and not the rejection... keeps you from spiraling out into the loop and having you stay stagnant and stay stuck.”
— Christina Edwards

Think you’ve reached out to “everyone” in your network? Out of ideas to get noticed and get funded?  Generate leads for your nonprofit or social impact business: https://www.splendidcourses.com/prospect

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TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome to the Purpose and Profit Club podcast for nonprofit leaders, mission-driven creatives and social entrepreneurs. Get ready to stop dreaming and start doing. Here. Ideas become action. We prioritize purpose and profit. You ready, let's go? Okay, in part two of this Courage series, we're going to talk about disappointment, rejection, the difference between the two, and which one is totally optional, and I titled this podcast that rejection is really this shit sandwich. You don't have to order And if it shows up, you know you can send it back. You can send it back. So it's going to show up. For a lot of people, it's normal if it shows up. But I'm going to walk you through a process of dealing with rejection when it sets in, dealing with disappointment, the difference between the two, and I'll start off with a story. So I recently felt like I was on the receiving edge of a lot of rejection, like a lot of no's. I got several of those we didn't choose you form letters from conferences where I had pitched myself as a speaker, and one in particular was one I really wanted. And when I got that form letter I was like, damn, this sucks And tell me if you've had this happen. But the email comes in my inbox and you kind of see the first sentence or two that basically says no, and you stick it in a folder and you don't even read the rest. Right, you want to put those immediate protection blighters on and it's almost like self-preservation mode. So I kind of glanced at it and then I was like damn, whatever. And then I didn't look at it. And then later I kind of went back and looked at it And one neither of them gave specific feedback, but one was a little more detailed and had some helpful information about the types of content they're looking for. But my immediate reaction was very much seated in rejection. And the way that rejection feels is it feels like it's happening to you from a group of people that are saying to you they don't like you, they hate me, i don't belong here, i should quit, this is never going to work anyway. Those are really rejection-filled thoughts. Ok, disappointment on the other hand, you might think that they're similar And I had both come up in this instance. But disappointment is I really wanted that. Damn, this is a bummer. So rejection is like I don't belong here, they hate me. It's very much rooted in shame. Ok, it's shaming. It feels awful, it feels heavy, it feels like this sense of Othering, whereas disappointment has actually a lightness to it. Okay, because it's like oh, i really wanted that. Disappointment can be your favorite coffee shop being out of the like tea you love, right, being out of your favorite cold brew, that's disappointment. But when the barista says to you, oh, we're all out of cold brew today, you likely aren't feeling rejection from that. You're not feeling well, they hate me, she hates me, i don't belong here, I don't belong in this coffee shop. I should just quit going here, right? Instead, you'd be like, damn, i really wanted that cold brew bummer. So that's a really easy example to see the difference of disappointment being a negative emotion, feeling not ideal, and rejection being heavy, heavy, heavy and also very self-critical. We talked about self-criticism in the last episode, so make sure you go back and listen to the Courage Sandwich episode if you haven't already. So when you're faced with this feeling of rejection which likely comes up from somebody telling you no, right, so, this could be a prospect, this could be a donor, this could be a prospective client, right? Somebody saying, nah, no, thanks, not for me, no. You may immediately be met with this idea of rejection, but instead I want you to sort of parse out rather, that rejection is your ego talking, disappointment is your intuition talking Disappointment is softer, disappointment is kinder. Rejection is the path and is the shit sandwich I don't want you to order. If it shows up because your brain presents it to you in that moment, i want you to send it back. Ok, so if that donor says no, if that sponsor says no, if that prospective client says no, and that rejection is loud, man, i don't belong here. This is dumb. I know I shouldn't have said that much. I knew I shouldn't ask for that much. Right? All that? They don't like me. My pitch is terrible. Whatever it is, i should have said different words. Stop and literally talk to yourself in that moment, if you can, and say, ooh, that's my ego talking. That's rejection. My ego just wants to be liked. It makes sense, it's trying to keep me safe. This feels terrible. Ego is like pick me, pick me, pick me. I want you to say to yourself OK, what's going on here? And actually say your name. Sometimes that's helpful. I'm like what's going on here, christina? Oh, so in the conference example I'm like I really wanted that. That's what's going on here. That's disappointment. I feel bummed. I was really excited. I have a presentation that I want to get out into the world. It's been in my head for a while and this is true, and I thought that this was the stage. I thought this was the right audience, the right timing for this talk, right. But what I said to myself with disappointment, being in the driver seat and not rejection is I found myself saying, oh, that didn't go how I wanted. This is a plot twist. I'm going to keep going, right, i thought I was supposed to be there. I thought that was the conference or stage for me, but I guess there's a different one, right, and that has a lightness to it for me And for you. It may sound something like ugh, that didn't go how I wanted, but there's a plot twist. No matter what, i'm going to keep going and I'm not going to talk to myself and berate myself along this way, because I'm going to find the joy in it, because I'm going to find the contentment in it, because This is the work that I meant to do and I thought this was the right prospect. I thought this was the client for me. I thought this was the blank, but I guess it wasn't. There's something for me ahead. Right, i'm thinking about people who are job hunting. You know, when you have, like, the first interview and then the second interview and you're like, oh, all in, right, you can start to picture yourself working there And it all starts to like, you start to really visualize that We do this too, by the way. Right, we start to visualize with us and that donor saying yes, us and That client saying yes. And then, when you got the call from The employer that they chose somebody else, right, you can go full rejection, ego, right, right of just, this feels terrible. They hate me. What's the point? or you can say, god, i really pictured myself there. I thought that was the one. Huh, i guess it wasn't. And allow yourself to feel like the feeling of sad, right, in that case, the feeling of being bummed out, the feeling of something not going your way. But What keeps you from spiraling out into the loop? right, and having you stay stagnant and stay stuck is Allowing for the disappointment and not the rejection. So, for example, with the perspective employers think no, right, and you're like man. I thought I was, that was for me, if you had a lightness to it. Where you're like man, i guess the universe has something else planned for me. I got a coat. I'm gonna keep reaching out. I'm gonna call that friend that knows somebody right that Works at another company that I'm kind of interested in, like there's a curiosity to it, then it's not so heavy. And also, what do you do? You keep going right when you're not in that shame spiral, the rejection spiral. So it's really important to catch the difference. It's really important to talk yourself out of the rejection loop. If you find yourself there and And we talked about this in the last episode is If you can't help, if you like can't talk yourself out of it. It feels hard. Remind yourself, okay, how would my best friend, how would? if my best friend was going through this, how would I talk to her? right, how about I talk to him? Right, very kindly, you would not tell your best friend or your child or somebody loved, like, well, i guess there's, i guess you just shouldn't bother, right, or you really blew that bitch, right? You wouldn't do that. You would say keep going, you've got this, who knows what's ahead? there have been so many times where a huge loss, no Disappointment, has come across my way, and What has happened on the other side of it is. It has made space for a yes that I couldn't imagine. Find that proof in your life. When has somebody said No to you and something better set arrived? something better was a yes. Right now I'm thinking of dating right. When The, the relationship isn't going so well, there's a breakup, somebody wants out, whatever, and it feels really hard and it feels really heavy in the moment. But then on the other side of it, it sets you up for the perfect right partner for you right, or the employer, the prospective employer, that says no. What does that set you up for? thinking about another person in my life Who was laid off unexpectedly right and in that moment was battling really. I mean walking straight on the line of Feeling complete rejection. If I had Been better right, this, done better, been a better, smarter person, this wouldn't have happened. And then straddling the line of disappointment man, i did not think this was gonna happen. This sucks right. One. The first version kept them from getting out there and showing up as their best self in Prospecting and applying for new jobs. The other Was kind of like a storm that passes by right a thunderstorm, a summer shower, right, it's heavy, it's a bummer, and then you get on the other side of it. It clears and there's that, there's a lightness to it on the other side of it. Right when they were able to you, when they were able to stop straddling the line of rejection and disappointment, really go over to disappointment, it did clear faster, was more pleasant And fast forward. They ended up finding a job that was so much better than where they were at. And this is not an isolated story and this isn't like, oh well, all the office are amazing, but it is a reminder of where the spaces That have felt really heavy, that I felt like disappointment, that have brought up rejection for you, but on the other side of main space and paved way for something better, and this is kind of my favorite part Is an opportunity you couldn't have imagined. So There are so many aspects to my business now, in the specific clients that I'm working with, in the specific people who have come into my programs. I couldn't have Imagine that those exact amazing people to write and there are people that have said no. Right, and if I had spent so much time berating myself on the people that had said no, i wouldn't have made space not only To invite the people who have said yes in, but to like see them, you know, to like truly see them, i would have been hyper focused on the wrong thing. So remind yourself in those moments disappointment yeah, i'm allowing for it, i'm gonna make, i'm gonna let myself feel bummed right. I'm gonna talk kindly to myself, like maybe I would to my best friend or maybe I would if my four year old felt really left out or if my four year old, you know, had a bad day right. The way that you would talk to your four year old or eight year old or you know someone you loved, is very, very different how we enter like the inner monologue and how we talk to ourselves. What's really interesting is if we talk to ourselves instead Like someone we loved, we would do two things really really well. One, we would get better at courageous outreach Into the process of day to day life would be so much more pleasant and enjoyable. So what I want you to get out of this episode Is not smashing feeling stone, not taking that email that landed in your inbox, like I did at first, and immediately archiving it right like get away. I want to see it, not that we don't have a blinders on, but Being firm with yourself on the shame spiral. We're not doing that And allowing for the like what's true here? you know what's true. I really wanted that. I thought they would say yes. I was hoping they would say yes. A colleague of mine recently mentioned that they also were on the receiving end of of the nose for a conference That they assume they would be a shoe in for, and she said it took a little time to recalibrate Where she arrived was. It doesn't mean there will never be a chance right, and instead of catastrophizing and I think that's an important piece to leave with is I know is very often, and no, not right now. I know, i know you know something about your pitch might have been confusing. I know the timing is not right, so I know, not right now. Right, instead of the full on shit. same, watch over Jackson feeling like no forever, especially when it comes to any sort of prospecting and outreach, and he sort of ask right? I'm laughing because it's true like we think that a no is no close-up shop forever. No, that's not true. Many times, think of all the things that you've said no to before that you went back and said yes to Right. These could be courses, programs, products, businesses, restaurants. How many times have you been a no to going out for a certain type of food, only to be a yes a week later? Right, that's lightness, right? The owner of that restaurant is not like Christina didn't go here for dinner, i'm going to close up shop. They're probably thinking, hmm, what can I do to entice Christina to come back? Send her an email. Send her a thing We post on Instagram. Show her delicious food. One propels you forward Disappointment. On the other side of it, it's a summer shower. When it clears. It propels you forward Rejection. Not only does it keep you stuck. I think it's like quicksand, i actually think it pushes you backwards. Right, it keeps you stuck and heavy. And for anyone that is plateaued or experiencing a decrease in revenue whether that's revenue in your business, whether that's revenue donations ask yourself oof, where am I in the quicksand? Where am I in the quicksand? Okay, if you need help with that, send me a message. Go, click on the link. Send me a message. Let's set up a quick call and see what you're working on and how we can get you out of quicksand, how we can get you towards feeling disappointment and getting onward, getting one foot ahead, leaning into motivation and leaning into courageous action. Next week we are talking about success, success, anxiety And this is really as I look at courageous action, as I look at prospecting and outreach. it's three steps for me. One, it's how you talk to yourself That was the previous episode, the Courage Sandwich, right How we're talking to ourself before, after and during the process. Two, how are you handling a no? What does that do? Do you move through the no and you keep going and you keep taking action, or do you get stuck in quicksand? Okay, that's this episode. The next episode is really interesting because what happens when people say yes? I've been coaching quite a few fundraisers and quite a few CEOs who feel a lot of anxiety when they hear the yeses And you want to settle that and you want to work through that before that comes up for you, because if you have anxiety around success, you're going to keep your feet in quicksand, You're going to keep one foot stuck, and that's again when we see some of those revenue plateaus or some of that slow, slow, slow dragging growth. So that's what we're going to work on next. If you enjoyed this episode, if it resonated with you, i would love it if you would rate and review the podcast, please, and share it on social media. Come tag me on LinkedIn. I've been hanging out a little bit more lately over there and I would love to hear from you. All right, see you next time. You know how they say you should enjoy the journey, not just the destination. Have you ever wondered how do I crack the code to do that? I can help you do that. I can help you not only achieve your biggest, most daring goals, but the journey to get there. No more overwhelm, no more self-doubt. I want to invite you to book a call with me. Go to splendidatlcom forward slash book.

You Get To Have Purpose And Profit. I’ll Show You How.

 
 
PodcastChristina Edwardspurpose and profit, marketing, entrepreneurship, purpose driven, nonprofit, social impactComment