Ep 45: The Courage Sandwich [Courage Series Pt 1]

EPISODE 45

 
 
 
“Regardless of how it goes.... You’re awesome. You’re deciding before the actual meeting how you’re going to talk to yourself ahead of time.”
— Christina Edwards

Ready to conquer fear and take daring, courageous actions in your life and work? I'm sharing the concept of The Courage Sandwich and how it can help you motivate and encourage yourself when you're feeling nervous or scared. We'll talk about pre- and post-game pep talks, pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones, and overcoming self-criticism while engaging with strangers.

We're also discussing handling disappointment, rejection, and the often overlooked success anxiety that arises when our hard work actually pays off. Get inspired by children's willingness to feel a range of emotions and discover how adults can do the same. Plus, I'm offering you the opportunity to book a call with me if you need help figuring out what your version of the courage sandwich looks like. Don't miss this chance to start taking bold, courageous action in your life!

Think you’ve reached out to “everyone” in your network? Out of ideas to get noticed and get funded?  Generate leads for your nonprofit or social impact business: https://www.splendidcourses.com/prospect

Steal my Prospect List! Lead Gen just got a lot easier!

Resources mentioned:

 
 
 

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TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome to the Purpose and Profit Club podcast for nonprofit leaders, mission-driven creatives and social entrepreneurs. Get ready to stop dreaming and start doing. Here ideas become action. We prioritize purpose and profit. You ready, let's go. Today we're kicking off a series of episodes that are going to center around daring, courageous action. We're kicking it off with this idea of the courage sandwich which, on the heels of recent episodes about breaking the rules and finding your own way and not waiting to feel ready, not waiting for buy-in from everybody around you, not following all the best practices We're going to lean into this idea and talk about the courage sandwich today And then in the following two episodes. I want to give you an idea of what these three episodes are going to look like. Today, we're going to talk about taking courageous action, what that looks like and using this method of the courage sandwich. Then we're going to talk about handling disappointment and rejection. So I've been digging into this idea or the feeling and what it's like to be on the receiving end of rejection and being on the receiving end of feeling really profound disappointment. We're going to dig into that and a new way to handle it, a new way to reframe it, a new way to make it pretty much tolerable, to make it part of the deal in the way that when you fall off a bike, you get back up, versus you don't fall off a bike and stumble a little and go under the covers and watch Netflix for a week, right, okay, so we'll talk about disappointment or rejection. The third episode will center around this idea of success anxiety, which you're probably like huh. So when I taught Outreach Genius to the most recent cohort, that's our four-week program where we go in with mostly founders and leaders of impact-driven businesses and nonprofits Really talk about lead gen, Really talking about bold outreach. So that brings up a lot of courageous action, which brings up a lot of insecurity. One of the things that came out of that was This idea of if the prospect, if the person, if the donor says yes. It was really interesting For a lot of people. When somebody says, yes, i will give you $50,000. I will make that gift. Yes, i sign this proposal, i want to be your client. Yes, For a lot of people, instead of that feeling like hell yeah, i nailed it celebration onward, a lot of people actually feel this intense fear and anxiety come up. I used to feel this way, so I actually know this well. In the program and that cohort it came up, it was like ooh, that's interesting. How do we deal with this idea of success anxiety? Because most of the time we're working on handling the nose right, we're not spending time figuring out what it's like to feel the yeses. But if you're actually afraid of feeling the yeses, then you're going to quit ahead of time or you're going to dim your light or dim your ask or dim your outreach. You're just going to show up as a little bit of a watered down version of you versus putting your best you out there. Because on the other side of it you're kind of like holy crap, if they say, yes, this is go time, Now I really have to deliver. So episode three will be about success anxiety. Okay, so let's dig in to episode one, the courage sandwich. And what's kind of funny is I sort of remember saying this, but I don't totally remember saying this. So shout out to Amplify Social Impact and Outreach. Genius student Andy, who did a reel about this recently And she tagged me in it. She was talking about the courage sandwich and how I was talking about this idea of the complement sandwich. So you may have heard this term before The complement sandwich is when you have to give somebody feedback or like negative feedback or any kind of criticism. What we tend to do is we give them, like, imagine a manager having to give one of their direct reports some criticism. So instead of saying that report was incorrect, here's the better way to do it or it's too long and I need you to do X Y, z instead, what tends to happen is we feel very, very flustered or nervous about giving criticism. So we give the complement sandwich which is on the front end. We're like you're awesome, you're great, everything you're doing is great and awesome and terrific. Hey, that report. I need you to do it this different way because this is the wrong way, but you're awesome, wow, you're really nailing it. So you can see complement front end criticism middle complement end. And what's not so great about the complement sandwich is it can be really confusing for the person on the receiving end because they're like wait, what just happened? And it's very unclear, right. And it's actually a little bit dishonest because in an effort of trying to people, please right the people around you, you're sort of giving them this like never ending menu of different things. But what's really interesting is we don't often give ourselves the complement sandwich. So that's kind of where the courage sandwich idea came from. So here's what I mean. Let's say I'm going to use a couple of examples today, but let's say you have a donor meeting okay, and you have a prospective donor meeting and you're feeling kind of nervous. Instead of going in for the normal $5,000 gift, you've decided that you're going to ask for more. You've practiced your pitch, but you still feel nervous. Okay, want to offer. You're supposed to feel nervous. It's totally normal that you're going to feel nervous and still have the meeting part of the deal, right. So don't wait for yourself to not feel nervous. That's when you're going to just really activate that main character, energy and you're going to activate courage. Okay. So you're going to go into the meeting courageous. But before you actually go into the meeting using the courage sandwich, i want you to give yourself a pregame pep talk. So I want you to talk to yourself ahead of time. Like, really important on how you talk to yourself ahead of time, what are the ways that you would tell your best friend going into the meeting You got this, you're prepared, you know what to do, you can handle it. If they have objections, keep talking, listen, right? you would just say you're a good person and, regardless of how this meeting goes, this is work worth doing and you can handle it. Right, it would be like this loving best friend, grandmother, figure, right, talking to yourself through that lens in the pregame, right, leading up to all the way to Then during the actual meeting. Sometimes what happens is we get a little in our head. When get a little in our head and in the meeting actually say things and I've had this happen to me before. I know many of my coaching clients have brought this up as well They'll say something and, like in the meeting, in the actual chat, they're like that was in their head. They're thinking, oh, i shouldn't have said that, that was dumb, i stumbled on that piece. Oh, that was confusing And you're actually pulls you out of being there, like being in the actual space. I find too, if I'm starting to get in my head, then I really lose track of landing the plane, making the ask, i lose track of where I was. It's like when you're reading a book and then suddenly you zone out and you start thinking about your laundry list or to-do list or whatever. So it's really important. If that self-talk, that critical self-talk, comes up during the actual meeting itself to I wanna say like briefly acknowledge it and then step right and go back right to where you were. So, for example, if the self-talk sounds something like that was dumb, why'd you say it that way? That wasn't how you practice the pitch. Be like I'm here now, i've got this. Go back to your pregame, pep talk, pregame you're good, you're good, we got this. Sometimes it's like using the we helps me, christina, you're awesome, you got this. However, you wanna go back to that pregame, say it once or twice and then go back into actively listening to the prospect or whoever you're with. Just stay there Again, like you're reading a book and you find you're oh, we're meditating. Wow, right, i'm meditating. If you're like me, you're there in the moment you're meditating and, before you know it, your brain is thinking about something else completely. I'm thinking about like literally 10 other things, right, like, ooh, did I reply to that email? I should go do this? and then I'm like bring me back, bring me back. We're here sitting down meditating. This is where I am. Be here now, and maybe that's just the prompt you give yourself be here now, i'm here, i got this Okay. So we did the pregame. Decide ahead of time, write it down, make a list of a couple of thoughts, or a list of thoughts or beliefs you wanna lean on in the pregame that have that mama bear or best friend warped to it. Right, you are a good person, you know what to say And even if you don't know what to say, you're gonna figure it out. You could write down, i'm gonna figure it out. Right, i believe in the mission. I believe in what I'm doing. Pregame. Then we got that mid game intermodelog that can come up. Right, we're gonna think of our pregame talks Now in the courage sandwich. The other end of it is the post game. This is the most painful part of it that keeps so many people from doing really any active lead gen or any daring, courageous action on a consistent basis. It actually is because of the post game. It actually is because of how we talk to ourselves after the fact That inner critic is mean. That inner critic could be a New York Times critic, right, it's mean. And if you hear and know, it could be super mean. But even if you hear a yes or a, somebody maybe your prospect says let me think about it or I'll circle back or some version of that. It can also be really, really mean. So here's what I like to do. I also like to decide before the meeting, before the daring action, decide ahead of time how I'm going to talk to myself. Okay, so I decide to have that ready to go. So, andy and her real said it could be simple. For her it might just be you did a good job, you did a scary thing. And those are two really good ones because it's acknowledging the work that you put in and acknowledging that, yeah, it was hard. The first time you take any new action that feels brave, that feels wobbly, that feels shaky, that feels uneasy. Acknowledging that it feels those things and you took the action anyway is how you build up that muscle. I remember the very first time I hosted a webinar and feeling really discombobulated and feeling like like the opposite of like a total amateur, right, But it was really important on the back end of how I hosted the, of the back end of, you know, completing the webinar, shutting the laptop, and how I talked to myself, because if I talked to myself and been and said to myself, here's the list of all the things that went wrong. Or here's the list of how a dozen other people did it better. Those are not helpful, those are just critical and those would keep me from doing it again, taking that action again. And if I'm not taking that action again, i'm not getting better at it. Using the writing a bike example If you follow up your bike and then that's it. You park the bike and that's it not getting any better at writing the bike. So it's really important, on the back end of the courage sandwich, to decide how you want to think. So it may be some flavor of acknowledging that you just did it. You did it, you did the brave, hard thing. You can do a debrief, but if you do a debrief of like what worked, what didn't make sure you spend a lot of time on what worked, and if you have a hard time of getting into a zone of just like neutrality or that, that kindness, that BFF energy, then and you can't like find it for yourself because you're feeling really critical think about what you could do, what you could, or think about what a friend or a family member would say about what you did. Well, okay, and write it from their lens. But but ahead of time. I really want you to spend some time and say Here's what I'm deciding. I'm deciding that after this big meeting where I'm asking the donor for more, where I'm asking your prospective client to say yes to this proposal, where I'm asking us for a sponsorship for something right, that, regardless of how it goes, let me say that again, regardless of how it goes, it doesn't matter if they say yes, no, maybe, how dare you? you're awesome. It doesn't matter. You're deciding before the actual meeting how you're going to talk to yourself ahead of time. Okay, and I recommend that you say Hell, yeah, you're awesome. I recommend that you tell yourself things that you would tell somebody you care about. That is how we make the process of going through this, of the generation, of prospecting, of outrage, something that doesn't feel so heavy and painful. Okay, that's how we do. It Is, if you think about some of those people in your life, have you met somebody who's just a natural salesperson, like a natural, just, just, even a natural networker? Okay, i'm thinking about somebody in my life who, it's like if you've heard that saying like so and so never met a stranger, right. What does that mean? Means they are very, very approachable and they approach people with a very high level of warmth. Right, they never met a stranger. They're always up for talking. Right, they're always up to like, chit chat. You know those people Well. One of the reasons why they're good at that is because of this Likely they're not berating themselves on the front end of making conversation with a complete stranger, whether it's at a networking meeting or at a bar or at in line at the grocery store. They're just like hey, what's up, how's it going? Right, they're not. And then while they're talking to the person, they're not saying well, that was dumb, i shouldn't have said that. Why did I say that? Ooh, what are they thinking? Right, they're not doing that, they're not. And then on the back end after the conversation, same thing. They're not grading themselves in a really critical way. Right, likely they're coasting through that whole thing with a lot of ease and without a lot of a critical lens. Right, wait, without those glasses on, so you can kind of think about that piece of like wow, okay, somebody who is just naturally good at this is probably also thinking some sort of belief of yeah, i can talk to anyone, i got this, i'm good at this. Or even if I'm not good at this. I'm willing to try this. This is how I get good at this right. I get good at talking to people and telling them about my mission. By talking to people and telling them about my mission, you with me. Like, how do you get good at something? by doing the thing Right. You could spend hours and hours and hours reading books and blogs and podcasts and webinars about how to do something, about how to ride a bike, but until you actually put your feet on those pedals and wobble and encounter mastering the brakes right And switching gears and staying in the bike lane when somebody's passing you right, until you have all of those obstacles in your way. It's just consumption. It's just books you're reading, right. It's just knowledge that you're not using. And maybe that's another way that you can think about talking to yourself using the pregame and post-game pep talk strategy is why is this worth doing? Like, why is it worth it? You could ask yourself this Why is it worth it to you to even embark on this journey? Why is it worth it to you and write a list? Okay, so if you have that donor meeting come up, you have that perspective sponsor, a client meeting coming up and you want to do this work. Think about that. Why is it worth getting in the arena? like Brené Brown says? Because the alternative is sending them an email, right? The alternative is not reaching out at all. And I like to think, like what fun is that? How does that help you? How does that help your mission? How does that help you achieve your biggest goals? How does that help you serve more people when you don't put yourself out there? right, it doesn't help you. And talking to yourself critically, breathing yourself before and after and maybe during, also doesn't help you, because if you're not enjoying the process of being in it, you're likely to either stall out or quit. Okay, think about something you quit before I was going to say quitted, but that doesn't sound right Something you gave up on before. Why did you give up on it? Think about that. I'm going to take a moment and I'm going to think about something that I gave up on. Oh, i gave up on drum lessons a while ago, okay, and I gave up on them because I said it was too hard. I gave up on them because I said I didn't have the coordination, but mainly, i gave up on them because my desire to play the drums wasn't high enough to warrant the commitment. Okay, so that's a good example with a hobby, but I think about other things that were way harder than spending a couple hours a week practicing drum. I think it's called, and I kept doing it. I kept doing it because I thought, said to myself, this gets me to my goals faster, this helps more people, this is worth doing. This is part of my, my why right? And so all of us are in the impact driven space. Every single one of us listening to this are in this space for reason And it's not arbitrary, and so you can lean on that. When you're going into a courageous action and you're feeling like a little wobbly, you can lean into this is worth work doing right, this is work worth doing. The last thing I want to give you is this idea that effective outreach, effective prospecting, effective daring action is supposed to push you out of your comfort zone, and maybe that's the simple belief you can remind yourself in the pregame Oh, this feels really outside of my comfort zone because it's supposed to be. And then, on the back end, in the postgame, can remind yourself whoo, did I push myself out of my comfort zone today? Hell, yes, and it was worth it. I'm building that muscle. This is it. I'm building that muscle. Hell, yeah, like you did it. And that's the piece. And as those critical thoughts come in, just let them just drift on by and spend a lot more time thinking about the thoughts that you decide for your courage. So much So if that resonated with you, please share this with your colleagues and friends. I think we all need this in our personal and professional lives, this idea, and if you need help with it, i want to invite you to book a call with me, book a discovery call, and I can help you. I can help you figure out what is your version of this sandwich look like. And if there were some bumps along the way of I'm not really sure what even daring action I want to take, we can start there, because that can be one of the pieces is just like, who prospecting? What does that even mean? Legion, where should I start? So if that's you, i've got you. I can help you with that. And next time we're going to talk about disappointment and rejection and the difference because, by the way, those are different feelings And one of them is totally optional And the other one I want you to get super good at feeling And that one isn't isn't a big deal to feel. Okay. One of the things that I've been thinking about a lot, because I have young ish kids, is the range of emotions that they feel on a daily basis. Is is fascinating, and it was also I can't think of the word it's also like inspiring, right. They're willing to feel a range of emotions that we as adults avoid feeling a lot like. They feel disappointed a lot. They feel courageous a lot. That's why they have so many bumps and bruises. They are literally taking physical action in that case of like learning how to climb a thing, climb a structure, ride a bike Right, learning they hear the word no. Think about how often, especially like a toddler might hear the word no, they're fine, they get back out there, they get back up. So we'll dig into that and how we as adults can handle it with a little more ease and enjoy the journey, not just the destination. I'll see you next time. You know how they say you should enjoy the journey, not just the destination. Have you ever wondered how do I crack the code to do that? I can help you do that. I can help you not only achieve your biggest, most daring goals, but the journey to get there, no more overwhelm, no more self doubt. I want to invite you to book a call with me. Go to splendidatlcom forward slash book

You Get To Have Purpose And Profit. I’ll Show You How.

 
 
PodcastChristina Edwardspurpose and profit, marketing, entrepreneurship, purpose driven, nonprofit, founder, social impactComment